Drunken Omegle fun!

Stranger: 26 m uk. Looking for a younger girl ;)

You: i'm 12
You: :D
Stranger: Really? :)
You: yeah :P
Stranger: F?
You: Obviously :)
You: LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


Stranger: hey

You: hi :)
Stranger: whats up?
You: not much, just fingering myself
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: I touch kids

Stranger: oh.
You: they touch me back
Stranger: good touch or bad touch?
You: a very very good one!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello young man

Stranger: 25 m here ... u ?
You: 37 f looking for a dirty toy boy
Stranger: ;)
Stranger: ur search ends here
You: Wow!
You: So describe yourself
You: I'm getting moist darling
Stranger: horny fckin horny
You: hahaha that makes two of us
You: want my number for some dirty phone sex?
Stranger: yo
You: sorry?
Stranger: i mean yes
You: :D
You: my name is Sasha :)
You: hang on just a sec :)
You: 07500345795908
You: call me straight away babe x
Stranger: ur name ?
You: Sasha
Stranger: okie
Stranger: jus 1 more tin
You: yes darling?
Stranger: thing
Stranger: cn i hv ur fb profile link
You: Add me I'm Sasha Duke
Stranger: u frm ?
You: Torquay
Stranger: wheres tht ?
You: it's in the UK :)
Stranger: k
Stranger: me in india
You: Ahh well I like arranged marriages!
You: call me babe x
Stranger: i dnt think internatonal calls are allowed frm my mobile
Stranger: cn u call ?
You: sorry no
You: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU, I HATE YOU
Stranger: y cnt u call ?

You have disconnected.

Inspirational Quotes

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe.




"People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe.



"Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius. It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring, when it comes down to it, let them think what they want, if they care enough to bother with what I do then I’m already better than them anyway." - Marilyn Monroe.

...

“Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.” - Paris Hilton.



“When people you don't even know hate you, that's when you know you're the best.” - Paris Hilton.



"I'm too busy acting like I'm not Naive. I've seen it all, I was here first." - Kurt Cobain.



"Rather be dead than cool." - Kurt Cobain.



"The duty of youth is to challenge corruption." - Kurt Cobain.


“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”



"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."



"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."



“Get mad, then get over it.”



“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”



“I don’t believe in looking back. If you make a decision that you think is the proper one at the time, then that’s the correct decision.”



"Being popular is a fucking JOKE and all those people that think they're hot shit now will soon be pregnant and work at Walmart. Beauty doesn't last forever" - Jeffree Star.



"DO WHATEVER THE FUCK you want because you only live once and if I die tomorrow, I wanna die HAPPY. I don't wanna WISH I did something... I DO it every day. I'm ME and no one is gonna tell me I shouldn't do this or that.. & this goes for everyone. It doesn't matter if you're family or friends dont truly understand you. YOU have to be happy. Because who else matters in the end?" - Jeffree Star.



"the lower you fall, the higher you climb." - Jeffree Star.



"Just because I'm skinny doesnt mean that I'm not fucking crazy" - Jeffree Star.



"Try and be honest for a second. Don't lie to me or say what you think I wanna hear... The truth is dangerous."



“when we think we know people inside out and we think we know what's best for them we should try to remember we don't even know what's best for ourselves." - Hayley Williams.



"The thing is, our generation, we fight every day to get through life." - Hayley Williams.



"Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand." - Hayley Williams.



"This is what I've learned, in my life: Headbanging is crucial. Growing up is hard to do. There's nothing wrong with wearing a dress." - Hayley Williams.



"i’m so glad I’m not allergic to nuts. number 1 cause I love peanut butter and number 2 cause my life is comprised of about 95% boys. " - Hayley Williams.



“Life rules, and there’s no room for hate. So if you don’t like me, go punch yourself in the face.” - Hayley Williams.



“I have an obsession with old Hollywood and a very glamorous side. And I’m definately a hopeless romantic. And I love flowers.” - Hayley Williams.



"Most are insecure, but only a few can hide it.” - Hayley Williams.



"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore." - lady gaga.



"... I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much."

— Lady Gaga.



"Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it."

— Lady Gaga.



"cause it's a hard life, with love in the world. and i'm a hard girl, loving me is like chewing on pearls." - lady gaga.



"you may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loves before, she may love again. but if she loves you now, what else matters? she's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be prefect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. she may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. so don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." - Bob Marley.



"you're so fxcking easy, easy to break."



In one way or another I've always suffered. I didn't know why exactly. But I do know that I'm not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I've ever felt and I've found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him. - Secretary



The moment somebody says to me, "This is very risky," is the moment it becomes attractive to me. - Kate Capshaw



"(Women) are not just there to be admired, they are there to be enjoyed." - Ellen Von Unwerth.



"I love all the old pictures--of spanking and Bettie Page and corsets. But you can't do spanking in fashion, so I wanted to do a project where I could really let go and get girls who also love those things." - Ellen Von Unwerth

:)

Blogspot, it's been too long, far too long.

This last month or so has been highly depressing and I'm in the process of applying to see a psychiatrist. I have awful days and relatively alright days. But recently things have slowly fallen into place and I think I'm on the mend.

RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND
RICHARD MADDISON IS MY BOYFRIEND

♥ This is all I've wanted, for so, so, so long. He completes me. I know it's only been 3 days of a 'proper' relationship but I've had these feelings for so long, and now I can scream it from the rooftops. He's perfect and I love him. He's mine. Richie is mine. And it's the best feeling in the world.


Also, JESS TITLEY IS MY BEST FRIEND IN THE FUCKING WORLD.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I have three jobs, I have amazing friends, a wonderful boyfriend and things are just sooooooo good. I know for a fact that this happiness won't last, but fucking hell, I love this feeling and I'm going to do my best to prolong it.


I LOVE JESS.
I LOVE RICHARD.
I LOVE MY JOBS.
I LOVE COLLEGE.
I LOVE MY LIFE.

:/

I heard some pretty awful news today.

Early on Wednesday/Thursday morning, a group of ladies found a man hanging from a tree, in the forest at Cockington.

I mean, first of all, it's devastating that someone would ever think that there was no way out of a bad situation. No matter how desperate one's situation gets, suicide is never the answer. Secondly, how traumatic for the women that found him. It's so, so horrible that this man was so desperate, so awfully depressed ... nobody talked to him or tried to comfort him, and he didn't ask for help. Absolutely terrible way to die, may he rest in peace.

♥

haha I keep getting recurring dreams!

Here's one I had last night.

Me and mum were driving across a rope bridge over a lake ... unsurprisingly, we drove into a lake and drowned.

I got home and saw Tim Minchin was already there. We cuddled up and I started playing with his hair. Then I opened this mini-fridge and pulled out a corn cob, and he said "Leave that sweetcorn please, it's my supper" so I put it back. He got up and left, angry that I'd tried to eat his supper. I started crying and screaming that I was sorry, but he ignored me. Then, some time later, when I was on the loo, still crying, I heard him outside singing "5 poofs and 2 pianos" and saying "I hope this is where you live, because I love ya!". For some reason, I was having the longest piss ever, and when I'd finally finished, I ran downstairs, threw the door open ... and he wasn't there.

Then I ended up at Newton train station. I got the train to Teignmouth, then got out and had to walk across the water to a campsite. There, I put up a tent that was on the outskirts of Plymouth (there was a harbour separating Teignmouth from Plymouth.. xD). Then my ex(who was a giant) fingered my best friend. She turned to me and went "He's good ain't he?" then I said "I need a wee" so Richard and me swam across the harbour and went to this weird market thing, where it said the toilets were, but they actually weren't there.

Me and mum found a skanky toilet and I went, and then we jogged down into Cockington Court into these country lanes... I was wearing high heels. Then my mum turned into my dad, and I got to this place, it's the SAME FUCKING PLACE I ALWAYS DREAM ABOUT it's so weird. I ran ahead off my dad because he got talking to a boy with Downs Syndrome. I jogged past a bunch of X Factor rejects and onto Paignton seafront. I saw Jeremy but he kept disappearing.

All in all, very fucking weird.

pretty low right now.
I can't be fucked with anything. My positive attitudes have disappeared completely, I am lazy, moody and I basically loathe the direction things have taken. In short, everything has gone tits up.

Quitting smoking is the hardest thing I've ever done. This is my fourth day and I can't stand it. I can't wait to be free from nicotine but I am absolutely miserable without smoking. I am so weak.

I'm hopelessly head-over-heels in love with someone, but he's a complete cunt. I know I can never have him, but he's the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I love him. That's that.

I'm in a total rut of misery and depression and apathy and every other negative emotion you could probably think of. I hate this. I hate me.

:)

Well, obviously, things had to fall a little flat.

I've fallen a tiny bit in love with somebody, and my best friend there might be dropping out :/
I got hideously drunk at 5pm yesterday and I don't care to count the number of times I've cried in the last 48 hours. However I need to remain optimistic, it's only the end of the first three weeks.

Made a few more friends ♥

Also, GOOD NEWS EVERYONE :)
i'm quitting smoking. Once and for all. I hate it. It's expensive and disgusting and I can't stand it, I'm so ill and haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks, because of the coughing which is getting progressively worse. So, as of today, 30/09/10, 17 days behind schedule, I am giving up smoking.

One my lung capacity has increased a little, I plan to go jogging when it's dark. I feel so dumpy and unsexy and I'd love to be a size 10 or something. Maybe even 8 at a push, it'd mean losing my boobs, but I hate the fucking things.

So I need to lose two stone, maybe three. I've already lost a little weight ^^
I actually heard from someone that college life is the time where you either put on loads of weight, or lose loads of weight. I seem to be taking the healthier direction :)

I'm finding German easier because I have Jeremy :) and my other lessons aren't so bad either. But fucking hell I wish Stuart would slow down with the coursework haha.

All in all, the first month of college has been a stressful and surreal, yet somewhat enjoyable, experience.

<3

Things really are looking up :)

I LOVE COLLEGE ♥

Life is so different. Although I haven't changed yet as a person, I feel so grown up.

We have free periods. One of mine is from 12:15 until 14:45. It sucks. But going shopping when you'd normally be at school ... well, that's pretty cool, unless you're skint like me. Then it's hard to kill the time.

I've made friends :) I'm not gonna say "new friends" because it sounds like I intend to replace the old ones. Nobody can ever replace my Gary ♥ but they're really really lovely people and we all get on so well.

I can't believe I was in such a rip over my first fucking day xD It really was a stupid little overreaction and I absolutely love it there. It's just a complete change of lifestyle. It's brilliant.

Now, the subjects. I LOVE graphics. Stuart is a little frightening at times and very intense, but he's a BRILLIANT lecturer. Probably my favourite. French is fine, English is fine, and ugh ... German is unbearable. I can't believe I've forgotten SO MUCH. People in my class did their GCSEs last year and they're whacking out these massive SEHENSWURDIGKEITENTASCHENRECHNERGEFAHRLICH words and I'm just like, what?

btw, that wasn't a real word. That was actually "sightseeing", "calculator" and "dangerous" combined into one enormous, threatening word. They're a few of the words that I remember from two years ago.

So yeah, I'm considering dropping German. I'll see how it goes ^^

Richie is in my tutor group and my English class and I'm on my own in the other classes, but it's nice to not have any distractions. It's nice also to not be the best in the class. In French everyone was like, "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN" and I couldn't stand it, but now I'm surrounded by mature intelligent people and I feel somewhat that I belong there.

Our group is SO weird.
Richie, the master of accents, sexual innuendo and racism. ♥
Jeremy, German, but speaks better English than us.
Mat, who is very clever and keeps insisting that I sit on his knee and wear his glasses.
Callum, he blames England for the fact that he's cold.

and me, I'm just the black chick who gets sexist remarks and racist jokes from left right and centre. Strangely, I don't mind. It's so so good, so refreshing.

I hope things stay this good.

:)

"So I have somethin' to say, to all of you who have had something nasty to say about me, or other women that are built like me, women that sometimes or all the time look like *this*, women whose names you know, women whose names you don't, women who've been picked on, women whose husbands put them down, women that work, or girls in school ... I have one thing to say to you. KISS. MY. FAT. ASS."
- Tyra Banks ♥

GCSE results.

French - A* - I didn't even fucking try.

Photography - A - I worked my FUCKING tits off for months on end, sometimes working in the middle of the night to complete extra assignments that I did out of choice, 'cause I thought it'd give me extra brownie points. Evidently not. Extremely disappointed.

English language - A - How the HELL did I manage that?! I fucking bullshat the entire way through. Miracles do happen.

German - A - I have nothing to say about this one. I should have pushed myself harder.

Media Studies - A - Again, should have tried harder.

Product Design - B - Ehhh, this one was a nightmare. I tried really hard and I guess it matches my efforts.

Maths - C - YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH !!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES this is the one result I'm happy with.

RE - C - surprised I didn't do better tbh, I thought I'd nailed it.

Science - D - Man I don't even care about science.


I want to resit English to get an A*. I should have done so much better.
I worked SO hard in photography, you can't fathom the amount of time I spent on it, I was constantly reaching for an A*, stretching myself to the limits, and I got a fucking A. Everyone says it's brilliant but it really isn't. How would you feel if you worked your tits off, and didn't get the grade you wanted? I honestly thought I'd nailed it. I deserved that fucking A*.

Massive relief I've passed maths and English. Science can fuck off and so can RE.

All-in-all, very disappointed in myself.

Today we had german school elections. I wanted to be elected best prostitute but instead I won for something even better: fattest girl of the hermaphrodite kids. It's quite a big job. I have to touch kids every 345 minutes, even if my wang is covered with blue spots. When the mice come out, I have to smile them. And on Fridays, I'm in charge of making the peas . I hired Billy Corgan as my assistant. What a mistake that was! The only thing he ever does is hug . The first thing I did was change some gorgeous school rules. From now on, we can run through the halls, chew pie in class, and go home early to watch armchair of the dildos on TV. It's a sexy responsibility to be in charge. But it's worth it!


I've always wanted to sing at mcdonalds . I admitted this to my friend Kristy Coyle and she arranged it. I had 3 days to pick a song and practice.I decided to sing " Single Ladies ", one of my favorite screamo songs. I practiced in front of my dog . The more I practiced, the more orgasmic I felt. Finally the night of my bigperformance came. I wasn'thungry but ate a kangaroo anus for energy. On the way to therestaurant I stepped in your mum . I arrived at the restaurant 22 minutes late, smelling like a batman . I went straight to the microphoneand forgot the words to the song.Not wanting to make a chips out of myself, I made up a songabout a horny dildo . The first line was "I ran away in the big fat hermaphrodite ." Everybody laughed. I tried tothink of a pleasurable rhyme. The more I made up, themore the audience smiling . They thought I was as beautiful as Billy Corgan . When I finished, they yelled, " AAAAGH I LOVE YOU "! So I sang another slutty song.

17 seconds of compassion
17 seconds of peace
17 seconds to remember love is the energy behind which all is created
17 seconds to remember all that is good
17 seconds to forget all your hurt and pain
17 seconds of faith
17 seconds to trust you again
17 seconds of radiance
17 seconds to send a prayer up
17 seconds is all you really need

♥

Richard Maddison asked me to go to the movies on Saturday night. I was so horny I thought I was going to touch . He said he'd get tickets for "The kids of Iraq ." I said I'd much rather see "The dolphins of Berlin ." He suggested going out for French food afterward. I said I'd rather go out for Japanese food beforehand. He said he'd pick me up in his bus . I said I'd rather be picked up in a train . Hetold me to wear a thong . I said I'd be much more comfortable in my socks . It took us 23452526 hours to figure out a plan. By the time he picked me up, I was feeling kind of orgasm about the whole thing. I thought we were too different. But when he showed up with saucepans and dildos I decided I'd give him a chance. And do you knowwhat? I'm happy I did.


One Saturday, during a hot, boring summer, I got in a horse and drifted acrossthe sandwich . The sun was out and vagina fish were touching out of thewater everywhere. michael jackson were screaming " HOLY SHIT ," as they flew above.When I got hungry, I opened a can of cock and shared them with a Richard Maddison that had crawled into the boat. I'd forgotten to bring sunscreen so Iput on ass instead. It smelled like niggers . Finally I fell asleep. Iwoke up to a loud THUD. I had reached an island with ugly whores in palm trees,singing boots . Short, horny people masturbated toward me. One ofthem gave me a necklace made of armchairs . I put it on and asked where I was.Instead of answering, they showered me with octopi and CAKES . Ismiled politely and said "SCREW YOU" . Then I got in my boat, Shat myself , anddrifted home.

I have a horny boyfriend. I met him at ANN SUMMERS!!! . He goes to school in Japan and is 2347862345879622394856 years older than me. When my school had a day off for whores Day, my boyfriend invited me to touch to school with him. I was so excited, I shouted, " "FUCK YOU" !" I took a 6 -hour little donkey ride to get there. When my boyfriend met me at the station, he was dressed completely in orange , aside from the red thong he wore on his vagina . First we went to anus class and learned a language called 76y7h7huhik . Then we learned how to shout , and then to fucked . For lunch, we ate armchairs and saucepans . Finally, we went to the MY BEDROOM for a fat assembly. I couldn't stop wanking so a teacher asked me to wait in the hall. By the time my boyfriend blowjob me back to the station, I think we had had enough of each other. We said, " AAAAAAAAH " to each other and parted as hospitals .

I decided to start exercising at the testicle Gym. My happy body needed it, and it only cost £572 to join. The first time I went,I wore thong and sock , just so I'd look like a cool emo . First, I touched on the hot treadmill but I didn't go fast enough.Before I knew it, I landed flat on my nipple . AAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEE ! I looked up and saw a lovely guywith a horrible body watching me. I felt myface turn bright purple . Next I went to a penis machine but 2 pounds was muchtoo heavy for me to lift. By then I wassweating so much I formed a lake around my feet. A cute guy with black hair and blue eyes slipped in my quick sweat.After apologizing, I ran out the dirty door and decided I'd be better off doing at home.

I have four very slag friends: asshole , bitch , nigger , and testicle . We've all known each other since the liver . Whenever we get together we wear boobs fuck , whore wanker , and butt plug niggers . Last night, we went to a FILTHY NIGGERS concert. When they sang bitchin' dildo of the poland one of my friends yelled, " faggot !" I laughed until my penis turned lesbian . Next week we're going on a trip to the blowjob museum. We'll have a picnic lunch in ajhadfg , which I think is nearby. I can't wait.

I found a sex mexicans in a box of nigger flakes . Before I could pick it up, it fanny flapped away from me and landed-- fart !--in the center of jesus 's obama ." guns !" he/she screamed. "That's mine!" I said,accidentally knocking over a glass of sex milk. It spilledall over my dildo farm. It looked like a blowjob had struck. My asshole licked up the milk. Bythen, my cereal prize was nigger towardthe nigger . It stopped next to a asshole and began to make noises.

Things I have learnt in the workplace.

1. Capers are revolting.
2. SAUCERS FIRST
3. Black olives are revolting.
4. Do not drop teaspoons onto people's laps.
5. Mary The Ice Queen has her Own Box. :/
6. Paul is my favourite person there. :)
7. Everyone bitches about Mary.
8. I'm scared of Mary.
9. We all share hatred for the bearded preacher man; we all hoped those chavs would start throwing bricks.
10. Geese generally tend to come in jars, enveloped in globules of white fat. Bleurgh.
11. The assistant chef is FIT! I got several occasions of flirty eye contact, BOOYEAH
12. I wonder if he has a girlfriend?
13. Do not bother Mike too much, he is easy to piss off.
14. I need to try a Spanish Hot Chocolate (described as "thick and gluggy" on the menu)
15. HOT MILK IS NOT FOR TEA cheers Mary
16. My top is pretty.
17. I get praised for using my own initiative.
18. Do not, at any time, press the wrong button on the till. It will scream at you, and every customer will be driven away by your incompetence.
19. However if it does scream at you, Paul will come to the rescue, so it's alright really :D
20. Do everything right, to rub it in Mary's face that although I'm a newbie, I'm not stupid, I'm not five, and I can actually manage. :P

That should be it for now.

tell me I'm the only one for you ♥

Just looked through all my old posts ... wow, so much has changed.

This summer is not a heatwave.
I've only gotten drunk once; that was the time I cried over my ex, so it was shit.
The days of hillbilly dancing, campouts and awesomeness are over ... those were probably the best days of my life :'(
I'm not going to France.
I'm not earning as much money as I thought I would.
I've put on loads of weight, instead of losing it.
I'm still smoking more than ever.
I fell out with one of my best friends.

This summer has gone to shit!
I would say "AAAHHH C'MON WE'VE STILL GOT AGES TO TURN THIS AROUND" but then I think ... what's the use? It's gonna be over soon :/

But
- September 1st is my quit date :)
- I'm more optimistic about my exam results than I was before
- As soon as it starts getting dark in the evenings, I'm going jogging, to lose some more weight.

So I suppose when I start college it'll be starting COMPLETELY afresh :D
New city, new people, new lifestyle, new hobbies, new opportunities ... it's gonna be amazing.
I'm gonna be healthier, happier, and just ... ahhhhh! :D


Bring it onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! :)

"A lot of people ask me 'am I afraid of death?'. Hell yeah, I'm afraid of death... I don't wanna die yet. A lot of people think that I worship the devil, and do all types of retarded shit. Look, I can't change the way I think, and I can't change the way I am... and if I offended you? Good. 'CAUSE I STILL DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"
-Marshall Mathers

The Poetry of my Heart
Revealing now the poetry of my heart
Think birds in flight and you will start to come close
As faces come from the darkness familiar
To greet you hello again
They pluck those strings and sing those refrains I know so well, and
hold so close
Now follow these birds faithfully, keeping those faces in mind
Over rivers and dales and soft greens until we come to the edge of
the vast ocean
The biggest sea you may imagine and more
Lift your hand and let those birds soar with this sweet music
Fast we fly over these waters
Faster and faster until we blur, and our words blur, and memories
of lost things blur too
The sun catches you flying
Imagine this from the perspective of the sun
Those birds and you moving the speed of light over the blue
Well, if you were the sun, you'd laugh too!
Finally, after such a momentous journey
You slow upon a deserted island, lush with life
And on its barren shore you find a worn sea chest
Polished smooth by years of coarse handling
Open that chest and you would find inside
A single valentine and the poetry of my heart
Dragging that sea chest around the bend
Thru sand into a jungle dense with flower and shade
We take the forgotten trail up the hillside
Up towards the laughing sun
Catching its wisdom as it's given
Past the ghost whispers and relics of another past
Climbing to the very top
Because time will not stand still for us
But it will pretend every once in a while
And up here, forgotten, is just you, me
One sea chest holding a single valentine and the poetry of our
hearts
A single bulb lights this room
It's dark in here all the time
If the ceiling had only captured my dreams and nightmares alike,
What stories it could show
She is here, the one
The one I love, desire, devise, rescue, all to my heart's own sorrow
I'm lost in this room, but this is the place the valentines are written
The site of my greatest thought and saddest song
There are no birds here to take flight
No oceans to fly over, no islands to reach
No sun to catch me crying
This is the gift of oblivion and opaque dance
Revealing now the poetry my own heart
its sorrow and the nameless wish I called bliss once
Stripped of its title and junked for show
The bulbs swing, the kids sing
The rooster crows and I seek sleep
Somewhere past the scars and empty cars and endless bars filled
with reminders
I want to climb from this hole
And dash myself upon the rocks below
But still it requires your push
Because a push requires intent
And intent requires desire
And desire registers in this body as need
Do you need me?
So push me over, my sea chest and me
The birds will follow me down
Retrace the steps, up to the ceiling
Back thru the bulb, into the electric wires
And out of Manhattan
Coming out another side
To a kid, a dream
A scrawled valentine with an x and o if truth be told
Revealing now the poetry of my heart
Rage and the canopies it paints
And the drawings it frames
And its real cage, me

Billy Corgan

You ruined my life, and that in turn caused me to cause myself further damage.
I give up. I fucking give up. I hate myself, and it's all your fault. You fucked me up.
You fucked everything up for me.
I HATE you.

dsssdfgsdjkg45689u8vjdjfg'45p[44;df

what have you done to me?
Every night, every FUCKING night, you're there, in my head, in my bed, next to me, holding me.
I CAN'T FUCKING GET RID OF YOU.
I don't want you. I hate you, I loathe you, I despise you. I loved you and you fucking ripped my fucking heart out, you selfish cunt, I hope Karma hits you like a fucking train for this, you don't deserve anything, you didn't deserve me loving you, you didn't deserve my time then, and you still don't now.

and yet you still insist on plaguing my mind.
why? just- why? why the hell do you have to do this to me?
You know I'm trying to forget about you.

I dread going to bed. I hate sleeping, I try to avoid thinking about you but you still slither into my thoughts, and stay there, writhing in and out of my dreams like a disease that can't be cured.

you have officially fucked me up.

fuck you, fuck fuck fuck you to hell and back.
I don't need you.
I never needed you.
I needed to stay away.
I needed to resist.
I wish I'd never met you.

BLARGH

I hope someday that I will be a someone who oozes confidence and attractiveness.

I hope someday that I will have more financial aptitude, and a decent job, a job that does not entail any of the following:
1. Strenuous physical activity
2. Sedentary activity that results in rather large blisters on my fingertips.
3. Getting covered in soap/moisturiser/caustic soda, or any other grease/danger-related toiletries.

I hope to someday form an emotional attatchment to somebody who replicates said attatchment.

My life SUCKS.

the people I look up to.

My inspirations.
Matthew Bellamy, Dawn French, Sacha Baron Cohen, Anna Wolf, Candice Clot, David Mitchell, Marilyn Monroe, Beyoncé Knowles, Marshall Mathers, Cee-Lo Green, Beth Ditto, Freddie Mercury, Billy Corgan, Katie Piper, Barack Obama, Agostino Giglio.

Having not been inspired by these people, I would not be the person I am today.
I thank you all ♥

When problems overwhelm us, and sadness smothers us, where do we find the will and the courage to continue? Well, the answer may come in the caring voice of a friend, a chance encounter with a book, or from a personal faith. For Janet, hope came from her faith...but it also came from a squirrel.

Shortly after her divorce, Janet lost her father. Then she lost her job. She had mounting money problems. But Janet not only survived, she worked her way out of despondancy, and she says "Now, life is good again!" How could this happen? She told me that late, one autumn day when she was at her lowest, she watched a squirrel storing up nuts for the winter; one at a time, he would take them to the nest. And she thought, "If that squirrel can take care of himself, with a harsh winter coming on, so can I."

Once I broke my problems into small pieces, I was able to carry them, just like those acorns, one at a time.

- White Stripes

Sometimes we need to experience real pain before we learn who can truly heal us, and not just temporarily numb where it hurts; sometimes it takes a massive fuck-up, or a humiliation, or a loss, or just a really hurtful, confusing experience. It is testing experiences such as these which are not only tests of our own strength and ability to pull through (with or without the help of others), but tests of the people around you, and how much they care for you.

To be honest, it's going to take superhuman strength to come to terms with everything. I'm never quite going to understand how you found it in yourself to rip my heart out in order to save your own, and I'm never going to understand how you feel, because I can't read you, no one can. But I know one thing, and it's something that I wish I didn't know, but I do, and I suppose I'm glad; you're not worth the tears, you're not worth the heartache, you're not worth the constant existance within my head, and you are most certainly not worth my time.

At one point, you were worth so, so much to me, and I can't quite believe that one person, one "man", was the catalyst for the spectacular tits-up direction that my life has taken. But you know what?

I'm stronger now. And you know why?

Because this disaster, this fucking kick in the teeth, the non-stop thinking, brooding, what-iffing and clear-as-day images of your face relentlessly flickering in and out of my brain ... it's all made me understand myself better.

I know that I'm too naive; I take things too quickly, I trust too easily, and I fall in love with the wrong people.
I know the qualities to look for in a perfect human being.
And most of all, I know who my real friends are. I now know who I can discard, and who I need to hold onto for dear life, and never let slip away.

What we had was special, and I thank you for it. You gave me things I never could have had were it not for you, and I'm not talking about material things, I mean experiences. We had a fucking laugh, sometimes it felt like we were more like mates, and I loved that we could just lie there and talk for hours. Yes, you were ignorant and a bit arrogant but I saw through your cockiness and concentrated on the good person inside. And I know he's in there somewhere, it's just going to take someone more special than me to bring him out and stop him hiding again. I know you probably won't read this, but I just wanted to put it out there how thankful I am, for having been shown how gritty and nasty this world of Love is, and how hard it is to find The One.

I want to thank you for making it easier for me to filter out people like you.
And I want to thank you for bringing me and my friends closer together. They're all telling me you're not worth it, and I'm starting to believe them. The tears aren't worth it. You're not worth it.

They're telling me I can do so much better than you ... and to be honest darling, it's not going to be difficult; thank-you for helping me learn that there are plenty more fish in the sea, and there are hundreds that are better than you.

:)

I could never live the way they want (8)

Couple of FMLs but mainly WOOPWOOPs over the last few days.

So, firstly I suppose I'd better get the FML moments over with.
FML#1: I've just found out I've been 5'4 since 2007. The growth spurt never came :/
FML#2: The same day I purchase a packet of 20 cigs, I get my NHS Quit Kit through the post.
FML#3: I am more confused about the male species than I ever thought possible. What is WITH them?! Obnoxious, manipulative, liars, or just plain stupid?!??

But anyway. WOOPWOOP time. :)

#1: Found out I have lost 32lb since September 2009 ... I've lost 3lb in the last fortnight alone!
#2: Has the most amazing wonderful supportive friends in the world. ♥

So yesterday, met Scott and Jess in the park. Met Dom, Dom (PIERCING ZOMG), Leon and Shaun and had a chinwag in the town centre. Got picked up, got fags, Jake and Joel arrived, I got drunk and .. cried a little. :/

I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.

Got 3 hours' sleep last night, drank this morning, smoked my lungs out and ate at Jess's, before coming home, showering and coming on here. I don't know how I feel.

I suppose I'm happy, because making a decision that would benefit me enormously now, would absolutely kill me in a year's time. But I can't stop thinking about you, I'm trying to let go but the memories are just tumbling around in my head and I can't get the image away. Even normal things like cuddling up to close friends and smoking reminds me of you. I keep trying to tell myself it's for the best, I don't need you, you're a fucking shithead and you're not worth my time ... but you were worth my time back then, and I still think that you could be.

So when you ask "how are you?", expect neither a clear nor coherent answer. Because I don't even know. I'm exhausted because I can't stop thinking and overthinking and thinking again and overanalysing every tiny detail of the pros and cons and what's wrong and what's right. I suppose, in short, you've messed things up for me.

Screw this!

ps; Jess, Leon, Adam and Scott - you guys have helped me through a lot ♥

:/

The strongest thing to do is walk away. It would have killed me in the long run.
Remember you're always special to me ♥

DOUUUUUUUURRRRGHHHHHHHHHH

willpower alone failed. think I might need some help in the form of a Nicorette Inhalator. Anyway, the last few days have been fucking magic.

Friday - Brad's :)
Saturday - Brad's (with Sean, and German Shepherds :/)
Sunday - Kristy's MOUAHAHAHAHAHA
Monday - Beach with Brad and Sean, + lost my Rude Bar virginity, fucking AWESOME ♥
Tuesday - Saw my beautiful long-lost wusband Miss Tara Boyland for a lovely catchup. :)
Wednesday - Torquay with Tara, got a ears pierced again.

Unfortuantely the series of marvellous events has had to be interrupted by ICT tomorrow BLOODY PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS BECAUSE I CAN'T GET A DISTINCTION but hopefully shall be followed by 12 weeks of undisturbed bliss.

IF I CAN GET A FLIPPIN' JOB!!
I applied for Choice Words ffs. CHOICE WORDS. I AM AN ATHEIST. D:

Or am I?
I actually had a bit of a debate about this; me and Tara were talking about religion and we came onto the subject of where we stand in terms of our own religious beliefs. I said I was an atheist, and Tara said she was agonostic. Then I thought ... hang on, I believe in Karma, which is an outside force, just as "God" would be, were He to exist. I don't believe that there is a God, but I do believe in Karma, which is a Buddhist belief. So am I Buddhist? Or should I say that I'm agnostic, seeing as I'm not sure? Thiiiiiiiings that make ya go HMMMMMMMMM. :)

So yeah, anyway. Gonna stretch my ear lobe, I don't want it to be all massive and dangly and gross, but I want one of those coloured flesh tubes. Rude' was full of loads of HOT people with stretched ears, so for a fiver, why the hell shouldn't I ruin my ear lobes? Was tempted to "ruin my pretty face with further ironmongery" but chickened out, 'cause nose piercings hurt :/ next time I get money, I'll get either angel bites or snake bites. 'Though I have no idea atm 'cause I'll probably just pussy out again xDD.

Anyway, I have a personal statement to write, and I need to shower, and send an important email, and do lots and lots of thinking, because that Rash Decision that was good at the time, has caused me to be rather hurt and confused.
GAAARGH.

That was a nice ramble; I haven't been on the internet since Sunday xD.
PEACE OUT.
♥

time to make a change.

It's official, I'm quitting smoking. I woke up this morning feeling like shite, the walk home was torture 'cause I was so out of breath ... I'm not fat or unfit, I'm purely unhealthy because of smoking all those stupid little cigarettes (8)

so yeah, had my last cigarette today, ordered a quit kit, gonna get some Inhalators on the NHS. My body can apparently repair itself to pretty much brand new, and I'll save a hell of a lot of money. Not looking forward to the weight gain but it doesn't matter that much, 'cause I won't have cancer ... I'll just be fat instead. -_-

Ehh it's for the best! :) Had an absolutely magic weekend, I'm glad I made that decision. Hopefully the decision to quit smoking will be one of the best I've made :)

"Shut yer fucken' mouth, you betch!"
- Sean

FTW

rash decisions are THE BEST.

it's cliché time!

sometimes you've gotta make rash decisions. these decisions will either hurt you, or hurt someone else. they'll either cause something to work massively in your favour, or turn an already-shit situation even further tits-up. but basically, we've all gotta do things in life that will cause a dispute between our hearts and our heads. it could be a little thing, or it could be a massive thing.

Just a sec ago, I got faced with a dilemma; do I do this, and make an idiot out of myself if it goes wrong? Or should I just dull my feelings down and carry on like a hard-faced bitch who doesn't give a shit? Normally it'd be the second one. But today, I decided to follow my heart, and ignore the bizarre goings-on within my abnormally large cranium. So what if I screw up? At least I'll know that it wasn't meant to be.

So I've just taken a massive, retarded dive into a Rash Decision. I've got a few more to make along the way; within 24 hours, things could either be REALLY GOOD or REALLY BAD. It's just a case of making the correct rash decision (if there is such a thing) and letting fate work out the rest. Whatever will be, will be.

Blarrrghhhh.

well, I was ill for prom -_- and my dress kept falling apart and I ended the night with my belt around my neck, but I danced my balls off and had a bloody good time, and I completely forgot that I was ill :) fucking hell, today is another story.

Woke up at 6 coughing my guts up, second attempt at quitting smoking didn't go according to plan >< I reckon I'm just gonna give up giving up, I'm obviously not strong enough to do it. Cold is back in full force w/o any sign of fucking off, and I'm deaf (combination of too much iPod, head full of snot and right in front of the speakers at the disco xD) ffs! oh and my poor feet, 2 hours dancing in high heels isn't the best thing to do when you're not a "Heels Person" x)

I wish I could say life was good but it's just so hard when things keep falling apart; I've applied for like 15 jobs and nobody has bothered to reply, people have taken to holding ridiculous grudges, I'm fucking off to Exeter College and leaving my best friends and I don't know how I'm going to cope, things are going wrong and I need to sort stuff out.

GET A JOB.
Stop being so competitive.
Get a job.
Get a job.
Spend more time with my real friends, and weed out the shitheads.
Get a job.
GET A JOB!
Stop smoking.
Lose weight.
Lose a lot of weight.
Get a job.

mmm. need to work on that.

urgh!

I start smoking; a fucking week later the Karma Gods fucking piss on me with the headcold from hell, 4 fucking days before prom. Joy!

I suppose I kinda deserve it, you can't grow up in this era without having the significant risks of smoking being drummed into your skull left right and centre, I know it kills, I suppose I just had the "We're all gonna die anyway" frame of mind when I started. Hmm. Well anyway I fucking walked into this one, I'm SO fucking ill, so I read up on whether smoking affects your immune system.

It does. FML.

So yeah I'm going to give up smoking before I get like massively addicted, 'cause it's only a matter of time before the damage is irreversible. It shouldn't be too hard. I've shortened my life by a few hours, and that'll do.

In the meantime, I'd better just slosh down several vile cups of black tea, gargle some fucking salt water, eat some fucking oranges and cross my fingers that I'm better by Thursday. 'Cause if I'm not, UURRRRGHHHH it'll be the biggest bitch-slap that Karma has ever given me.

ps, I am obsessed with this cover : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ejeEBlDESc
I said lend me some sugar, I am your neighbour ♥

LMFAO

Watched Borat last night :') oh God it's so funny, I love it so much ♥

Borat: What kind of dog is this?
Zookeeper: It's a tortoise.
Borat: Is it a cat in a hat?
Zookeeper: No... it's a tortoise in a shell.

Atlanta Teenager: What kinda music you listen to?
Borat: I like-a very much Korki Buchek. You know Korki Buchek?
[the teenagers are confused]
Borat: Bing bong bing-bong-bing, dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click* *click-click*, bing bong bing-bong-bing, dl-dl-ding-ding *click* *click*...

Borat: My name i' Borat, I come a-from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your War of Terror.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May we show our support for our boys in Iraq.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May U.S. and A kill every single terrorist.
[crowd cheers]
Borat: May George Bush a-drink the blood of every single man, woman, and child of Iraq. [crowd cheers wildly]
Borat: May you destroy their country so that for the next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert.
[some of crowd still cheers]

XDDDDDD
"Go, LIVE YOUR LIFE!"
♥

girlie night in ... makes a change :)

normally i relied on being outside with a big bottle of 8% cider with 15 other people, the majority of which being strangers. nights like that normally end up with someone crying, and going home and crying and getting told off my mummy. but im actuallyhaving a really good night and im inside; its not always about illegal substances and getting wrecked. its about the conversation and the comppany :) :) scott kristy and jess, just talking, a bit of booze and a few fag breaks, the conversation is lovely (ive falllen over a few times XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD) but im having a wonderful time with some bloody wonderful people.

by the way, the cheesy blog worked xP Jess and me are BAAAAACCCKKKKK !

love love love ♥

♥

I'm probably setting myself up for a little bit of public embarrassment if this doesn't go right ... it'd be another lesson learnt ... but tbh I think I've already learnt one.

we've had 10 years. 10 .. quite contrasting years. Sometimes we hated each other, but for most of those years, I had some of the best times of my life with you. The hippie nights, the water fights (ugh that wasn't supposed to rhyme. But I like it ^^), your stepdad turning into the Hulk ... yeah I mentioned this in my other blog. But atm this is unimportant.

I'm gonna be honest with you, the last few months we've snapped at each other and said a few things we shouldn't have. I think we can safely say that we're both responsible for some bitchiness.

But what I said on Facebook was unacceptable. Like off-the-hizzle unacceptable, it was fucking bad. I don't even know why I said it. It's inexplicable, I suppose I ... I felt protective of him. Defensive. I've become quite close to him; I have "chats" with him and he's a really lovely good mate to talk to. I don't "like" him, I can imagine that coming into your head straight away. But I value his friendship and I felt sort of angry when what happened, happened.

Look you're probably annoyed because this is here "for the world to see", but that's kind of the reason I put it here (ugh not to annoy you. fml i'm not good at explaining myself); I put it here because I want everyone (well, whoever has enough spare time on their hands to read this shit) to know just how sorry I am.

Going back to what I said at the start, we've had 10 years, 10 fucking years, and I don't want to throw that away! I know you probably don't want to know, and this is probably a waste of time. But it's a last-ditch attempt to try again; this is summer 2010. we will have 12 weeks (84 days!) to do whatever we want. And that's what we'll end up doing. Whether or not we do it together is a different story. It's up to you.

I am 100000000000000% up for starting afresh. Making up. I hate the hostility and it hasn't even been 48 hours yet. I'm not used to this.

I know how angry you are at me, I understand why you are. Because what I said was completely out of order and I have no excuse. I fumbled with my phone for ages when I got that text off you, trying to think of a way that I could turn it around on you, making it your fault. It's not often I admit to being wrong, I'm selfish and hardfaced and I hate losing. However in this instance, I can safely say that I'm wrong. I'm not afraid to hurt my pride, I was a total BITCH and I never should have said it. I probably deserve to lose you tbh, but I would honestly rather rip my eyeballs out and headbutt a wall than have to do that.

Anyway I did tell you that I wasn't going to grovel. Kinda too late for that now I suppose. I was going to email you this on Facebook, but it wouldn't fit. I basically need you in my life. You probably don't need me. You're strong and independent and you could find a new best friend within a week if you wanted one. But the fact is Jess, I don't want a new best friend. I want me to stop being so fucking obsessive, I want me to stop butting into other people's lives, and most of all I want you to be my best friend again so we can ... just be best friends again?

♥

if life gives you lemons...

...you're supposed to make lemonade, right? 'cause I tell you something, life has just squeezed the world's biggest lemon into my fucking eye, and I don't feel like making any fucking lemonade.

honestly sometimes I think someone up there must really dislike me. what, karma? for being honest? for speaking my mind for once and not getting shouted down or having the piss taken for my fucking opinion that never really matters, nor actually ever mattered. seriously the one time I'm properly honest about something is when I get blamed for bullshitting, maybe it's just an indication that I shouldn't say what I think, and just go by what everyone says I should.

saying how fucking happy i was obviously wasn't a good idea. Whenever I say I'm happy, something always goes wrong, very shortly after I say "Oh! Look how FUCKING good my life turned out, nothing can ever bring me down blah blah FUCKING blah!"

for FUCK'S sake, why the hell does everything have to go tits up? Why can't everything just be fucking simple?

all that happens is happinesssssss

*sigh*
y'know, life isn't all that bad! just today I was weighing up all the pros and cons of my life, asking other people why they were so happy ... and I came to the conclusion that I am monumentally happy with everything.

perhaps that's a slight exaggeration, 'cause I still have a bit of school stress left, but it'll disappear completely and i'll probably end up missing it. xD

SHITLOADS of things have happened to me this year. I've met some absolutely brilliant new people recently, I've actually had some of the best times of my bloody life with them. Parties, campouts, days at Dawlish, piss-ups ... basically I could go on forever about how much I love my friends, but like I said on my Gary Blog, it's impossible to articulate into a coherent paragraph. I like to think that I've done an alright job of doing so.

Now I think about it, I think really the thing that's making my life so bloody brilliant atm is my friends ... I can't think of anything else. 12 weeks of summer are on my fucking doorstep, all I can think of is BOOZE CAMP DRUGS BEACH SUN FRANCE CONCERTS FRIENDS HOLIDAYS MEMORIES PHOTOS JOB MONEY WOOOOOOOOOOOO
12 weeks of summer
12
FUCKING
WEEKS!!!!!!!
that's 84 days!!!!!!
OAAAAAAARGH THAT'S LIKE A FUCKING THIRD OF A YEAR!

... so I suppose that's what's making me kinda happy. so anyway. i was discussing how good life was with Gary-Gum, and the way we're going, we're probably going to die before the world ends (2012 will be soon upon us!). and I've decided to do a little list of stuff that I want to happen before 2012.







after 5 minutes of literally racking my brains, I fucking give up. I can't write a list. I don't want to make plans! I have 12 fucking weeks to do WHATEVER the fuck I want. I can go anywhere and do anything! I'm just gonna take life as it comes tbh. COME ON! this summer is set to be a fucking heatwave, i'll be earning money, i have the best friends in the world ... this summer is going to be absolutely perfect.

♥

another half term wasted.

well, it's certainly been the most eventful half term I've had, but not necessarily the most productive of weeks. I have a maths exam' tomorrow FML and I've barely revised. Went camping last night, it was bloody magic, but I got 2 hours' sleep and I'm hung over and I have to wake up at 6:30am tomorrow to get to school for 7:50 for a cocking revision session and URRGHHHHHHH.

to be fair, I deserve to fail, for having put such little input into my revision. I've been told that if I get a D, I won't get into college; regardless of all my other results, even if I got A* for everything ... if I don't get a C in maths, that's it. That scares the hell out of me, quite frankly. shit, mum's home. she's gonna wanna see how much revision I've done. Better sort out my excuse.

FUCK MY LIFE

gary.

Gary. Gary-gum. Gary Glitter. Jesus. Stacey Slater. Jess.

My best friend in the entire world.
Hmm I was gonna write something massive and long and gushy about my undying love for you, and then I realised it's just impossible to articulate. Basically I love you so much, probably more than anything or anyone in the entire bloody world. I was gonna say "apart from McDonalds" but then I realised that most of my Maccy D experiences have been based on you not wanting to get a Big Mac meal by yourself. So yeah.

Thank you for helping me see the funny side when I really didn't believe there was one. Thanks for making me laugh so hard I honestly didn't think I was going to make it to the top of Haytor. Thanks for letting my FFs stretch your favourite top and letting me limp through Bovey Tracey in your gorgeous high heels. Thank you for letting me witness your stepdad turning into the hulk -_- these are getting waaay to specific.

Basically I want to thank you for each and every day that you have existed and made a difference to my life. Our hippie nights, our fun shopping days (normally ending up at McDonalds) and our little arguments that normally end in us walking to walk .. every moment I spend with you is precious and I hope we have 100000s more. Going to different schools shouldn't stop us being as close as we are now ... whenever you need me babe, call me, or throw a rock through my window, whatevs .... I'll be there, because you've always been there for me.

I love you Gary!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

byesie-bye coombeshead !

11 years of compulsory education are over, done, finished. I never ever ever thought that day would come, but it did. fuck's sake, I actually thought I'd be happy to leave. Decided to make some resolutions.
1. Do not drink subsequently after being upset by a major milestone^

Well that's what I've got so far. FML

the end of an era.

So in 23 hours' time, I will no longer be in compulsory education. Sure I'll still have exams until the 14th June and I'll have the odd revision sesh, but officially ... I'm leaving school tomorrow. Fucking hell. The last 5 years have been a fucking blast, I really don't know what to say. *ffs* this is a really cliché blog, there are probably hundreds of bloggers like OOOO i'm leaving and it's so sad, and normally, Cynical Me would, in typical cynic fashion, be cynical. Urgh it's not that sad, get over it! Srsly guys you get a 12-week summer, just get over it. It's only school. But, weirdly, I'm as overcome as everyone else. I actually cried today, and it's not even the last day O.o
I've spent 5 years drifting in and out of different cliques, falling out with old friends, making new ones and basically just growing up, I suppose. Going around to people and teachers like "please sign this book, I'm leaving :D" it's like FUCK this is actually real. This time next year I will have nearly finished my AS levels, AAARGH! Life is hurtling past at an alarming rate and I love (most of) the people I've met along the way:

MASSIVE ♥ to Lauren Gary & Abbie for generally sticking with me, despite the ridiculous arguments. Equally large amount of ♥ to Hanna, George, Dommeh, Amber, Luke, Liam, Ben, Jamie, George, Richard, Marfi, Leon, Jason, Jordan B, Brad, Emily, Chloe, Jake, Joel, Lilly, Ryan, Shaun and Jordan M for making life so funny and enjoyable and amazing, especially over the last 12 months.

There are a few people who I will not miss in the slightest, and a few things about school that I will be glad to see the back of. Eg, maths, science and the early starts. Now I think about it, I'm probably going to miss a hell of a lot more than I first thought :/ it hurts to say it, but at the same time, it is the most liberating, wonderful thing in the whole wide world.

I AM LEAVING SCHOOL TOMORROW!
:)