2011 has literally been the best year of my life. It's absolutely unbelievable how hugely my life changed; it did a complete U-turn and I went from being an overweight, self-loathing teenager to an independent and confident young woman in just 365 days. Life will be so much easier now.
I changed because I fell in love. That 'truly madly deeply' kind of love, which creeps up on you and knocks you off your feet. The 'constant butterflies' love. And with this new love, came an exciting new lifestyle of passion and adventure. I lost a hell of a lot of weight because I wasn't comfort eating anymore. I stopped cutting. I started going out, socialising, partying. My confidence grew and I stopped dressing like a bloke and started wearing nice clothes. I developed different music tastes. I relaxed. I started travelling and going to all sorts of gigs and festivals. I felt beautiful. Life was beautiful.
October was probably the month where I got a huge wake-up call. Somebody up there must have wanted me to know I wasn't doing things right. I lost my boyfriend and put a permanent end to my college education. I thought my life was over. But despite this blip, life is STILL beautiful.
I have learnt so much about myself. Even if they're not good things to know about oneself, it's a good thing to have learned them. College didn't work because I stopped trying. Now I'm working my ass off full-time at Debenhams and I fucking love it. The relationship didn't work because we stopped trying. Now we're rekindling our old love and I feel like a lovesick teenager all over again, despite being mere weeks away from adulthood.
My last blog said I was scared about growing up, and I think I'm happy because I've grown up so much. I have a full-time job with a big company and while the money isn't great, I'm still proud of what I achieve every time I go there - a huge sense of importance. People need me at work. Nobody needed me at college. Quitting college was a spur-of-the-moment decision, but it was the best decision I have ever made. I do not need a fucking degree or a high-flying career. I want to continue this blissful life, a life of hard work that is rewarded with an overwhelming amount of happiness and freedom. I can go anywhere, do anything.
The biggest thing I've learnt from this year?
If you want something badly enough, you'll fucking try for it. Strive, push and reach for it, and you'll get it.
Despite the hiccup in the latter months, 2011 has been absolutely wonderful. Looking forward to starting afresh next year to create more beautiful memories with the people I adore.
Peace out.
