GCSE results.

French - A* - I didn't even fucking try.

Photography - A - I worked my FUCKING tits off for months on end, sometimes working in the middle of the night to complete extra assignments that I did out of choice, 'cause I thought it'd give me extra brownie points. Evidently not. Extremely disappointed.

English language - A - How the HELL did I manage that?! I fucking bullshat the entire way through. Miracles do happen.

German - A - I have nothing to say about this one. I should have pushed myself harder.

Media Studies - A - Again, should have tried harder.

Product Design - B - Ehhh, this one was a nightmare. I tried really hard and I guess it matches my efforts.

Maths - C - YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH !!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES this is the one result I'm happy with.

RE - C - surprised I didn't do better tbh, I thought I'd nailed it.

Science - D - Man I don't even care about science.


I want to resit English to get an A*. I should have done so much better.
I worked SO hard in photography, you can't fathom the amount of time I spent on it, I was constantly reaching for an A*, stretching myself to the limits, and I got a fucking A. Everyone says it's brilliant but it really isn't. How would you feel if you worked your tits off, and didn't get the grade you wanted? I honestly thought I'd nailed it. I deserved that fucking A*.

Massive relief I've passed maths and English. Science can fuck off and so can RE.

All-in-all, very disappointed in myself.

Today we had german school elections. I wanted to be elected best prostitute but instead I won for something even better: fattest girl of the hermaphrodite kids. It's quite a big job. I have to touch kids every 345 minutes, even if my wang is covered with blue spots. When the mice come out, I have to smile them. And on Fridays, I'm in charge of making the peas . I hired Billy Corgan as my assistant. What a mistake that was! The only thing he ever does is hug . The first thing I did was change some gorgeous school rules. From now on, we can run through the halls, chew pie in class, and go home early to watch armchair of the dildos on TV. It's a sexy responsibility to be in charge. But it's worth it!


I've always wanted to sing at mcdonalds . I admitted this to my friend Kristy Coyle and she arranged it. I had 3 days to pick a song and practice.I decided to sing " Single Ladies ", one of my favorite screamo songs. I practiced in front of my dog . The more I practiced, the more orgasmic I felt. Finally the night of my bigperformance came. I wasn'thungry but ate a kangaroo anus for energy. On the way to therestaurant I stepped in your mum . I arrived at the restaurant 22 minutes late, smelling like a batman . I went straight to the microphoneand forgot the words to the song.Not wanting to make a chips out of myself, I made up a songabout a horny dildo . The first line was "I ran away in the big fat hermaphrodite ." Everybody laughed. I tried tothink of a pleasurable rhyme. The more I made up, themore the audience smiling . They thought I was as beautiful as Billy Corgan . When I finished, they yelled, " AAAAGH I LOVE YOU "! So I sang another slutty song.

17 seconds of compassion
17 seconds of peace
17 seconds to remember love is the energy behind which all is created
17 seconds to remember all that is good
17 seconds to forget all your hurt and pain
17 seconds of faith
17 seconds to trust you again
17 seconds of radiance
17 seconds to send a prayer up
17 seconds is all you really need

♥

Richard Maddison asked me to go to the movies on Saturday night. I was so horny I thought I was going to touch . He said he'd get tickets for "The kids of Iraq ." I said I'd much rather see "The dolphins of Berlin ." He suggested going out for French food afterward. I said I'd rather go out for Japanese food beforehand. He said he'd pick me up in his bus . I said I'd rather be picked up in a train . Hetold me to wear a thong . I said I'd be much more comfortable in my socks . It took us 23452526 hours to figure out a plan. By the time he picked me up, I was feeling kind of orgasm about the whole thing. I thought we were too different. But when he showed up with saucepans and dildos I decided I'd give him a chance. And do you knowwhat? I'm happy I did.


One Saturday, during a hot, boring summer, I got in a horse and drifted acrossthe sandwich . The sun was out and vagina fish were touching out of thewater everywhere. michael jackson were screaming " HOLY SHIT ," as they flew above.When I got hungry, I opened a can of cock and shared them with a Richard Maddison that had crawled into the boat. I'd forgotten to bring sunscreen so Iput on ass instead. It smelled like niggers . Finally I fell asleep. Iwoke up to a loud THUD. I had reached an island with ugly whores in palm trees,singing boots . Short, horny people masturbated toward me. One ofthem gave me a necklace made of armchairs . I put it on and asked where I was.Instead of answering, they showered me with octopi and CAKES . Ismiled politely and said "SCREW YOU" . Then I got in my boat, Shat myself , anddrifted home.

I have a horny boyfriend. I met him at ANN SUMMERS!!! . He goes to school in Japan and is 2347862345879622394856 years older than me. When my school had a day off for whores Day, my boyfriend invited me to touch to school with him. I was so excited, I shouted, " "FUCK YOU" !" I took a 6 -hour little donkey ride to get there. When my boyfriend met me at the station, he was dressed completely in orange , aside from the red thong he wore on his vagina . First we went to anus class and learned a language called 76y7h7huhik . Then we learned how to shout , and then to fucked . For lunch, we ate armchairs and saucepans . Finally, we went to the MY BEDROOM for a fat assembly. I couldn't stop wanking so a teacher asked me to wait in the hall. By the time my boyfriend blowjob me back to the station, I think we had had enough of each other. We said, " AAAAAAAAH " to each other and parted as hospitals .

I decided to start exercising at the testicle Gym. My happy body needed it, and it only cost £572 to join. The first time I went,I wore thong and sock , just so I'd look like a cool emo . First, I touched on the hot treadmill but I didn't go fast enough.Before I knew it, I landed flat on my nipple . AAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEE ! I looked up and saw a lovely guywith a horrible body watching me. I felt myface turn bright purple . Next I went to a penis machine but 2 pounds was muchtoo heavy for me to lift. By then I wassweating so much I formed a lake around my feet. A cute guy with black hair and blue eyes slipped in my quick sweat.After apologizing, I ran out the dirty door and decided I'd be better off doing at home.

I have four very slag friends: asshole , bitch , nigger , and testicle . We've all known each other since the liver . Whenever we get together we wear boobs fuck , whore wanker , and butt plug niggers . Last night, we went to a FILTHY NIGGERS concert. When they sang bitchin' dildo of the poland one of my friends yelled, " faggot !" I laughed until my penis turned lesbian . Next week we're going on a trip to the blowjob museum. We'll have a picnic lunch in ajhadfg , which I think is nearby. I can't wait.

I found a sex mexicans in a box of nigger flakes . Before I could pick it up, it fanny flapped away from me and landed-- fart !--in the center of jesus 's obama ." guns !" he/she screamed. "That's mine!" I said,accidentally knocking over a glass of sex milk. It spilledall over my dildo farm. It looked like a blowjob had struck. My asshole licked up the milk. Bythen, my cereal prize was nigger towardthe nigger . It stopped next to a asshole and began to make noises.

Things I have learnt in the workplace.

1. Capers are revolting.
2. SAUCERS FIRST
3. Black olives are revolting.
4. Do not drop teaspoons onto people's laps.
5. Mary The Ice Queen has her Own Box. :/
6. Paul is my favourite person there. :)
7. Everyone bitches about Mary.
8. I'm scared of Mary.
9. We all share hatred for the bearded preacher man; we all hoped those chavs would start throwing bricks.
10. Geese generally tend to come in jars, enveloped in globules of white fat. Bleurgh.
11. The assistant chef is FIT! I got several occasions of flirty eye contact, BOOYEAH
12. I wonder if he has a girlfriend?
13. Do not bother Mike too much, he is easy to piss off.
14. I need to try a Spanish Hot Chocolate (described as "thick and gluggy" on the menu)
15. HOT MILK IS NOT FOR TEA cheers Mary
16. My top is pretty.
17. I get praised for using my own initiative.
18. Do not, at any time, press the wrong button on the till. It will scream at you, and every customer will be driven away by your incompetence.
19. However if it does scream at you, Paul will come to the rescue, so it's alright really :D
20. Do everything right, to rub it in Mary's face that although I'm a newbie, I'm not stupid, I'm not five, and I can actually manage. :P

That should be it for now.

tell me I'm the only one for you ♥

Just looked through all my old posts ... wow, so much has changed.

This summer is not a heatwave.
I've only gotten drunk once; that was the time I cried over my ex, so it was shit.
The days of hillbilly dancing, campouts and awesomeness are over ... those were probably the best days of my life :'(
I'm not going to France.
I'm not earning as much money as I thought I would.
I've put on loads of weight, instead of losing it.
I'm still smoking more than ever.
I fell out with one of my best friends.

This summer has gone to shit!
I would say "AAAHHH C'MON WE'VE STILL GOT AGES TO TURN THIS AROUND" but then I think ... what's the use? It's gonna be over soon :/

But
- September 1st is my quit date :)
- I'm more optimistic about my exam results than I was before
- As soon as it starts getting dark in the evenings, I'm going jogging, to lose some more weight.

So I suppose when I start college it'll be starting COMPLETELY afresh :D
New city, new people, new lifestyle, new hobbies, new opportunities ... it's gonna be amazing.
I'm gonna be healthier, happier, and just ... ahhhhh! :D


Bring it onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! :)

"A lot of people ask me 'am I afraid of death?'. Hell yeah, I'm afraid of death... I don't wanna die yet. A lot of people think that I worship the devil, and do all types of retarded shit. Look, I can't change the way I think, and I can't change the way I am... and if I offended you? Good. 'CAUSE I STILL DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"
-Marshall Mathers