Sometimes we need to experience real pain before we learn who can truly heal us, and not just temporarily numb where it hurts; sometimes it takes a massive fuck-up, or a humiliation, or a loss, or just a really hurtful, confusing experience. It is testing experiences such as these which are not only tests of our own strength and ability to pull through (with or without the help of others), but tests of the people around you, and how much they care for you.

To be honest, it's going to take superhuman strength to come to terms with everything. I'm never quite going to understand how you found it in yourself to rip my heart out in order to save your own, and I'm never going to understand how you feel, because I can't read you, no one can. But I know one thing, and it's something that I wish I didn't know, but I do, and I suppose I'm glad; you're not worth the tears, you're not worth the heartache, you're not worth the constant existance within my head, and you are most certainly not worth my time.

At one point, you were worth so, so much to me, and I can't quite believe that one person, one "man", was the catalyst for the spectacular tits-up direction that my life has taken. But you know what?

I'm stronger now. And you know why?

Because this disaster, this fucking kick in the teeth, the non-stop thinking, brooding, what-iffing and clear-as-day images of your face relentlessly flickering in and out of my brain ... it's all made me understand myself better.

I know that I'm too naive; I take things too quickly, I trust too easily, and I fall in love with the wrong people.
I know the qualities to look for in a perfect human being.
And most of all, I know who my real friends are. I now know who I can discard, and who I need to hold onto for dear life, and never let slip away.

What we had was special, and I thank you for it. You gave me things I never could have had were it not for you, and I'm not talking about material things, I mean experiences. We had a fucking laugh, sometimes it felt like we were more like mates, and I loved that we could just lie there and talk for hours. Yes, you were ignorant and a bit arrogant but I saw through your cockiness and concentrated on the good person inside. And I know he's in there somewhere, it's just going to take someone more special than me to bring him out and stop him hiding again. I know you probably won't read this, but I just wanted to put it out there how thankful I am, for having been shown how gritty and nasty this world of Love is, and how hard it is to find The One.

I want to thank you for making it easier for me to filter out people like you.
And I want to thank you for bringing me and my friends closer together. They're all telling me you're not worth it, and I'm starting to believe them. The tears aren't worth it. You're not worth it.

They're telling me I can do so much better than you ... and to be honest darling, it's not going to be difficult; thank-you for helping me learn that there are plenty more fish in the sea, and there are hundreds that are better than you.

:)