I could never live the way they want (8)

Couple of FMLs but mainly WOOPWOOPs over the last few days.

So, firstly I suppose I'd better get the FML moments over with.
FML#1: I've just found out I've been 5'4 since 2007. The growth spurt never came :/
FML#2: The same day I purchase a packet of 20 cigs, I get my NHS Quit Kit through the post.
FML#3: I am more confused about the male species than I ever thought possible. What is WITH them?! Obnoxious, manipulative, liars, or just plain stupid?!??

But anyway. WOOPWOOP time. :)

#1: Found out I have lost 32lb since September 2009 ... I've lost 3lb in the last fortnight alone!
#2: Has the most amazing wonderful supportive friends in the world. ♥

So yesterday, met Scott and Jess in the park. Met Dom, Dom (PIERCING ZOMG), Leon and Shaun and had a chinwag in the town centre. Got picked up, got fags, Jake and Joel arrived, I got drunk and .. cried a little. :/

I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.
I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.

Got 3 hours' sleep last night, drank this morning, smoked my lungs out and ate at Jess's, before coming home, showering and coming on here. I don't know how I feel.

I suppose I'm happy, because making a decision that would benefit me enormously now, would absolutely kill me in a year's time. But I can't stop thinking about you, I'm trying to let go but the memories are just tumbling around in my head and I can't get the image away. Even normal things like cuddling up to close friends and smoking reminds me of you. I keep trying to tell myself it's for the best, I don't need you, you're a fucking shithead and you're not worth my time ... but you were worth my time back then, and I still think that you could be.

So when you ask "how are you?", expect neither a clear nor coherent answer. Because I don't even know. I'm exhausted because I can't stop thinking and overthinking and thinking again and overanalysing every tiny detail of the pros and cons and what's wrong and what's right. I suppose, in short, you've messed things up for me.

Screw this!

ps; Jess, Leon, Adam and Scott - you guys have helped me through a lot ♥